So I’ve been with MG now for 10 months….. Can’t believe it has gone by in a blink of an eye. This year is flying and the end is definitely not in sight.
Coming home from SDCC2014, MG and I had a heart to heart. It was a tough conversations with many tears and running noses, mostly on my part. But it was a good, eye opening, honest conversation.
Things have been great between us but there has always been this lingering small dark cloud hanging over us. My comic book and blog.
So upon my return from SD, things came out, feelings and emotions and thoughts all spilled forth.
It hurt to hear the honesty of how MG felt all these months but for a relationship to survive, grow and move forward, complete honesty needs to be had.
There has always been a slight mistrust on MG’s part about me. About my comic book when I finally revealed it to him, about my blog and all the guys that I went on dates with and wrote about. He worried that he was just another one of those guys I wrote about but he feared that I made fun of them/him. That even down in SD, while attached to him, would I stray to further my comic book. Would I be put into a situation that would betray him and our relationship. Would I take advantage of him, am I taking advantage of him.
He told me he had 3 options with our situation. Either, 1) Keep it inside and try to come to terms with it on his own, ultimately being miserable. 2) Finally open up and talk to me about his feelings and insecurities or 3) Break up with me.
He said, the first option he has been trying to do but failing because he has felt terrible with the pit of his stomach constantly in knots. So that truly wasn’t an option. The third option, not really being an option because he loves me so much and can’t stand being apart from me for more than a day, breaking up wouldn’t resolve anything. So then, option 2 would be it. But he was having difficulty figuring out a way to open up to me. He ultimately also decided a conversation needed to be had because his gut said to trust me, that I wouldn’t do anything to hurt us or to cheat on him.
I listened to him. Didn’t get mad. Was only hurt because he was feeling hurt all these months about my comic book, my blog. I tried to reassure him that I never made fun of my dates, I was only telling a realistic view about dating and the things guys and girls do on dates. I never wanted to hurt anyone because the truth of the matter, I never want to be hurt.
Totally live by the Golden Rule….
Reassured him that down in SD, every guy that tried/attempted to hit on me, knew instantly that I was spoken for and didn’t stand a change. But I did help them score, for I was the ultimate wing woman!
I explained to him that for a relationship, for our relationship to work, we need to constantly communicate our feelings, be it good or bad. That when we feel annoyed or insecure about something, we need to address it and move on from there. Keeping things inside only leads to a huge blow up and resentment.
The best relationships are those that constantly want to keep the other happy but once you stop caring how the other is feeling, then the relationship is over.
He expressed how proud he was of me having published my comic book. He tried to hate the book and what it represented but he couldn’t because I loved it so much. He thought of how he could help me further the sales. He contemplated about buying 2 books a day to make it look like I was selling or he thought he would give me money so I could have my book printed. (WHAT AN AMAZING MAN!!!!) He wants me to succeed. He was just hurt that I kept it to myself for so long, kept it from him that when I revealed it was too late for him, he was already so deeply in love with me, there was no turning away.
I kept it away because I wasn’t sure of how I felt and there really isn’t a point to reveal until I was sure how I felt about him and where our relationship was going. Remember how I freaked out when he tried to kiss me on our 5th date!!!!!
When all was said and everything was laid out in front of us, we felt better. We understand where each other stands. What our feelings are and how to move forward. And we are moving forward. We even discussed briefly our living situation……
No, we are not moving together! He lives far away and I live here. And he wants to go back to school, so no further discussion will be had for another 3 years. Plus there is no ring on this finger, so there will be no moving in together!
I don’t want to move in until I’m married. I want it to feel different, I want to start building a life together when we are married. Not continue a life of roommates that now are official.
It’s old fashion, I know, but deep down I’m still a hopeless romantic who may have found her Prince! Now have to see how the rest of the Adventure plays out….