My past has closure….

So against my better judgment and some OMG to Plums and Mrs. Fine, I texted back to Irish Boy(http://goldenassadventures.tumblr.com/post/98475506684/this-morning-i-received-a-text-message-from) …  I knew it was going to open a can of worms but I had to, well at least I thought I had to…. You know when you have that nagging nag at the back of your mind, that won’t let you go, that’s kind of how I felt about IB.  Plus I needed to get my closure, which I did!

My text was simple: Hey, I’m doing great.  Glad to hear you moved to Philly.  You’ve been wanting to go back.  Good luck there.

I knew I was going to get a response.

IB:  What’s your deal?  Are you seeing someone

I took my time with my text:  Yes I am in a relationship

I really didn’t want to tell him… He didn’t deserve to know, but then it’s better to put the dick out of his misery, especially since I did finally respond. 

IB: Grat to hear.  Be safe

Grat?  Think he missed the “e”.  Be safe?  What does that mean, be safe?  Totally irritated me.  He really knows how to get under my skin…. And not in the good way, anymore!  Instead of saying what does that mean, be safe, I took the high road and said:

I always am.  I hope you are happy and enjoy your life in Philly

Now the next few responses from him, summed up our “relationship” and why I’m so happy I finally let him go. 

He said that if my situation ever changed let him know and whenever I’m in Philly to call him, only if my situation changed.  He was sorry for being retarded and he didn’t realize the catch he had.

No kidding!  He had 4 years of my life to figure it out and he didn’t until I was gone… Which of course I told him not before I let him know that I published my comic book (http://www.amazon.com/Adventures-Golden-S-S-Begin-Book-ebook/dp/B00L1M0DFS/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1411792881&sr=8-2&keywords=the+adventures+of+golden+a.s.s.).  I told him about the comic book because not only is he going to be a villain in it, he was always encouraging of the book and I want more people to buy it!  A shameless plug, regardless of where it comes from! 

He said congrats for my book, he was happy for me and that I found someone to keep around. 

Yea I found someone who realized right away how incredible I am and didn’t want to let me go.  That’s a guy you fall in love with and build a future together.  Not a guy who when he’s not available, away on job sites, text messages you non stop to say how much he misses you and wants to be with you but when he comes home, goes radio silent.  And then blames his job for not communicating…

Well when I told him about the comic book, of course I told him the name and where to buy it, (Amazon), I thought he would go to amazon and get it….  Little did I think he would google it and come to my website… And on the website go to my blog… Where he read my last entry…. About him….

He read it… He thought it was “interesting”… He liked it and appreciated the fact that I didn’t use his name and then said he was sorry for bothering me and it wouldn’t happen again….

I told him that if I hadn’t met the man I’m with now, he still probably wouldn’t realize what he had.  You want what you can’t have….

He said he deleted my number.  He had no idea I didn’t want him to contact me and he’s sorry for interrupting my day. 

I tried to back track about my blog.  Down play the severity of what I had written, I don’t know why.  I didn’t want him to feel bad but then I thought, GOOD!  I’m glad he read it.  I’m glad he knows that’s how I feel.  I was trying to be diplomatic about the whole thing via text message but I really wanted to give it to him for wasting my time all these years and not realizing what was right in front of him.  Now that I think about it, he saw me, used me, abused me and knew but didn’t truly want and/or wasn’t ready.  Although, moving to Philly and then reaching out to me, what did he think, I would hop on a plane and fly there?!?! I may have driven uninvited when he lived close, but a plane ride is something different. 

I ended it with : I wish you the best and hope that next time a girl comes into your life, you realize her greatness before you lose her

I thought that would be it but he said he heard me loud and clear… He deleted my number and I wouldn’t hear from him but he’d be reading my blog….

So if he truly is reading this, then I leave him with this, since I never responded:

I deleted your number when you invited me to London last year(http://goldenassadventures.tumblr.com/post/64966778802/my-irritating-itch-got-the-better-of-me-and-i)  and I said yes, then you went MIA on me for the last time!  I hope you do finally leave me alone because I don’t want to waste another moment of my life regretting having met you. I’m with someone who is incredible.  And if by some disastrous occurrence that forces him and I, to no longer be together, I will NEVER contact you.  I deserved so much better than you ever gave me.  You may have a big dick but you should really learn how to use it better and I faked pretty much all of my orgasms. 

GA

This morning I received a text message from non-other than Irish Boy!  I haven’t heard from him in AGES (http://goldenassadventures.tumblr.com/post/83330866249/happy-easter)! I would have thought that after his last 2 text messages went unanswered, he would have gotten the picture, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

But then again, that has always been part of our “relationship”.  We could go months without talking and then pick right up where we left off…. 

This time around, he wanted to let me know he moved back to Philly, wanted to say hi and hoped I was well….  As well as, if I’m ever around Philly, to let him know….

Why?  So we can see each other?  We barely saw each other when he live here, like I’m going to call him up when I’m on the east coast!  PUUUHHHHHLease!

However, there of course is a little part of me that wants to text him back.  I think it’s the closure part, or it’s the FUCK YOU, I’m in a relationship!  GO AWAY YOU DICKHEAD for screwing with me for 4 years!!!!! 

It does boost my ego that he still thinks of me and somewhat insulting for him to think I’m going to run back into his arms after all the mind games he played on me….

Hmmm…. I’ll have to think about that….

Plus I need to think how would MG react to my past texting me….  Although, sometimes his past contacts him… 

Selfie

Selfie

Love

Love

A year ago today…..

I met Mediocre Guy ….. A year ago today, I met the man who would change my world… A year ago today, I met my partner… Who knew that a year ago, my life would be where it is at this current adventure!

It’s a bit unnerving to looking back and see how I came to this place. All the crap that I put up with and all the crap that I spewed….

If I hadn’t met MG, I think, I would still be on the same path, of mindlessly going through the boys. Hooking up with those less deserving and still allowing myself to get sucked into the bullshit of Irish boy…

Sometimes I wonder about those adventures that I am no longer going on. I think about the allure of being single and wonder…. Especially since I’m on the year mark…

BUT

Then I reach deep down into my gut and know that MG is by far the greatest guy for me at this moment. I would love to say FOREVER but who knows what forever is and how long that truly last….

People grow and change at different stages of their lives. MG is perfect for my stage now. I want to say he will always be perfect and I hope that we do last forever but a part of me is being realistic. Unless you find a partner that wants to grow and change with you and you can find ways to keep falling back in love with each other, it’s difficult to last for that forever….

I want MG to be that partner. I feel that we are on that grow and change path together. But I also don’t want to jinx it by saying we are forever.

It’s only been a year. We are completely comfortable and at ease with each other. I want to say we are ourselves and for the most part we are ourselves. So time will tell if we are forever…

A year ago today…..

(Source: goldenassadventures)

With the decision to write more, at least once a week.  My head fills with stories that I have missed telling….  One story that needs to be mentioned at this time, is the fact that my parents met MG’s parents!!!!!!!!!

And so the meeting of the parents happened.  The Sunday BBQ went off without a hitch.  Of course everyone was on their best behavior but that is to be expected.  What other way is there to behave when meeting people for the first time!

Everyone seem to have enjoyed the other’s company.  Hours went by very effortlessly…. Conversations flowed…. Meeting of the minds….

Holidays are going to be much easier now that everyone gets along….

Now that the parents have meet, several people think that a ring will soon by placed upon my finger…. NO WAY!!!!!!  We’re barely at a year and still have so much learning of one another. 

Besides, why rush???  We’re definitely not in a hurry to live together, even though we spend 5 nights together a week…. Definitely not in a hurry to start a family….  For yours truly doesn’t want to pop a baby out and actually raise one!  MG, I think does want to have a kid and I’m afraid that one of these days in the distant future, we’ll have a bridge to cross….

But until then, our families will continue to hang out and get to know each other, as he and I are continuing to know one another… 

Time Flies when you are……

Complacent in your life….  I have been a horrible writer of late!  It has been well over a month since my last posting.

I’M SORRY!!!!!!!

It’s amazing how fast the days go by when you fall into a routine and that routine doesn’t involve the internet…..

In a way, it’s a good thing.  I’m off living, enjoying life, going on adventures and creating memories… But on the other hand, a small part of me, feels the need to write it all down and tell the world!

I think the reason why I have been so lax in writing and telling, is because MG, is not a big fan of revealing all to the world.  I mean, he doesn’t even have a Facebook account!!!!!  Which is really nice to tell you the truth. 

I find myself, checking in less and less.  Posting pictures less and less because do I really care what people think of what I am doing?!?!  Not really! And if the only way my “friends” know what I’m doing is by me posting on FB, then perhaps they aren’t really that great of friends that they can’t pick up the phone and actually ask me how I am doing……  And vice versa! 

Although there are moments when I’m off on an adventure and I think, Oh I know the perfect headline to write and the words start to flow in my head of all the things I want to tell…. And then when the adventure is over, I let it linger in my head and it never gets written down…. Majority of it has to do with laziness…. 

I have a sense of laziness…. Perhaps it’s due to my contentness in life, of where I am at this point of my journey and how I am enjoying every moment without the pressure of having to write every detail.  The downside of not writing, is you forget faster and the joy of coming across a written adventure is lost. 

So, like exercise, I must make a point to write.  At least once a week.  To keep abreast of my adventure. 

Plus, we’re coming up on my 1 year since I met MG!!!!!!!  A year goes by in a blink of an eye……

You know when you are so tired, you get home from work and all you want to do is curl up on your couch and veg….

That is my exact feeling right now.  But I will add that I shall be gobbling down a nice bowl of spaghetti and will be washing all that spaghetti with a healthy glass of whiskey and root beer….  

All while watching Friday Night Lights…. My new little guilty passion show… I know it’s over but that’s what’s so great about Amazon Prime, I can watch back to back to back episodes with no commercials!!!!  

Sigh… My Friday night is sooo thrilling!!!!!  

I love Non Adventure nights like this…..

So I’ve been with MG now for 10 months…..  Can’t believe it has gone by in a blink of an eye.  This year is flying and the end is definitely not in sight.

Coming home from SDCC2014, MG and I had a heart to heart.  It was a tough conversations with many tears and running noses, mostly on my part. But it was a good, eye opening, honest conversation.

Things have been great between us but there has always been this lingering small dark cloud hanging over us.  My comic book and blog.  

So upon my return from SD, things came out, feelings and emotions and thoughts all spilled forth.  

It hurt to hear the honesty of how MG felt all these months but for a relationship to survive, grow and move forward, complete honesty needs to be had.  

There has always been a slight mistrust on MG’s part about me.  About my comic book when I finally revealed it to him, about my blog and all the guys that I went on dates with and wrote about.  He worried that he was just another one of those guys I wrote about but he feared that I made fun of them/him.  That even down in SD, while attached to him, would I stray to further my comic book.  Would I be put into a situation that would betray him and our relationship.  Would I take advantage of him, am I taking advantage of him.

He told me he had 3 options with our situation.  Either, 1) Keep it inside and try to come to terms with it on his own, ultimately being miserable.  2) Finally open up and talk to me about his feelings and insecurities or 3) Break up with me.

He said, the first option he has been trying to do but failing because he has felt terrible with the pit of his stomach constantly in knots.  So that truly wasn’t an option.  The third option, not really being an option because he loves me so much and can’t stand being apart from me for more than a day, breaking up wouldn’t resolve anything.  So then, option 2 would be it.  But he was having difficulty figuring out a way to open up to me.  He ultimately also decided a conversation needed to be had because his gut said to trust me, that I wouldn’t do anything to hurt us or to cheat on him.  

I listened to him.  Didn’t get mad.  Was only hurt because he was feeling hurt all these months about my comic book, my blog.  I tried to reassure him that I never made fun of my dates, I was only telling a realistic view about dating and the things guys and girls do on dates.  I never wanted to hurt anyone because the truth of the matter, I never want to be hurt.  

Totally live by the Golden Rule….

Reassured him that down in SD, every guy that tried/attempted to hit on me, knew instantly that I was spoken for and didn’t stand a change.  But I did help them score, for I was the ultimate wing woman!  

I explained to him that for a relationship, for our relationship to work, we need to constantly communicate our feelings, be it good or bad.  That when we feel annoyed or insecure about something, we need to address it and move on from there. Keeping things inside only leads to a huge blow up and resentment.  

The best relationships are those that constantly want to keep the other happy but once you stop caring how the other is feeling, then the relationship is over.  

He expressed how proud he was of me having published my comic book.  He tried to hate the book and what it represented but he couldn’t because I loved it so much.  He thought of how he could help me further the sales.  He contemplated about buying 2 books a day to make it look like I was selling or he thought he would give me money so I could have my book printed.  (WHAT AN AMAZING MAN!!!!) He wants me to succeed.  He was just hurt that I kept it to myself for so long, kept it from him that when I revealed it was too late for him, he was already so deeply in love with me, there was no turning away.  

I kept it away because I wasn’t sure of how I felt and there really isn’t a point to reveal until I was sure how I felt about him and where our relationship was going.  Remember how I freaked out when he tried to kiss me on our 5th date!!!!! 

When all was said and everything was laid out in front of us, we felt better.  We understand where each other stands.  What our feelings are and how to move forward.  And we are moving forward.  We even discussed briefly our living situation……

No, we are not moving together!  He lives far away and I live here.  And he wants to go back to school, so no further discussion will be had for another 3 years.  Plus there is no ring on this finger, so there will be no moving in together!  

I don’t want to move in until I’m married.  I want it to feel different, I want to start building a life together when we are married.  Not continue a life of roommates that now are official.  

It’s old fashion, I know, but deep down I’m still a hopeless romantic who may have found her Prince!  Now have to see how the rest of the Adventure plays out…. 

You know when you return home from being a way for a little bit, things just seem to hit you at full steam?  Well that’s what happened after SDCC2014…

SDCC2014 was another learning and rewarding venture.  I ended up not having to sleep on the floor!!!!!  YAY!!!!!!  I sweetly asked the maintenance man, who also delivered the towels, when you requested more, if I could have a roll away….  It never hurts to keep asking until someone eventually gives in, he said “Yes, how many do you need?”  YES!!!!!!!  No roughing it on the floor for me!!!!!!  

I promoted like crazy.  Mingled with everyone.  Introduced myself to as many publishers as possible.  Talk to artists and writers and creators.  My skin grew thicker as some harsh comments were expressed about my comic book but over all, at the end of the end, I AM PROUD of what I put out there.  No one can take away the hard work that I put into creating and self publishing.  

Not everyone is going to like what I put out there.  And I’m ok with that.  

I love my book and will continue writing and publishing more stories because my hobby is fulfilling me and no one can take it away from me!